You Left when I was Crying
Today you left when I was crying. There was a time when me crying was a sad moment. Oh, swwetheart come here don't cry....but now, what are you crying for again? As the tears roll down my face, I can't stop them, they are there with the tension in the back of my throat and need to stream down my cheeks and take the sadness with them. I know a simple picture on a webpage seems silly, but it is just a reminder of how you and me have changed....the fascination is not there now, I was an angel, a mamasita, now, just a wife who feels, sad with tears streaming down her face. You left when I was crying.

Today I woke up and my husband is not talking to me. The situation between he and my son has grown desperate. I figure I may as well write whatever I want on this blog because noone is reading anyway. My own personal narrative, my diary, for me, a way to release my emotions. The abuse is happening again. Abuse is a funny thing...it is sneaky. I know Devin is a very tough child and doesn't let up for anything...a perfect target for anger. His anger is also out of control. So many issues....a father who does not care, really,a step father who cares but has his own issues unresolved. Me, a mother who is in the middle of it all, although not a victim, also an active player in the dysfunction. Right now, I am in the middle, trying to be a peacemaker. But there is no peace to be found,it could erupt at any time...the anger is unpredictable. My anger as well...unleashed when it comes on. God, I need help. I thought my knight had found me and he was the answer to my troubles. Turns out, that is not the case. As much as I love my husband, I cannot live with this silent anger. It is silent until it is released and then it is so damaging. My beautiful daughter witnesses so much love and so much anger, violence at the same time. What will become of her. I want her to have her own parents together to witness the beauty of love, but that is not happening. It could happen if we could open ourselves to change...step into the light and expose the abuse on both sides...on all sides, me included. Willingness. I am in so much pain. God, I pray to plese send your love upon my family, open our hearts and souls to change or give me the strenght to step into the unknown, and make the change myself.